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When Fear Grips My Heart…
I just cannot win. Every day I wrestle with panic and numerous fears. Recently, I decided to make a list of all those fears…hundreds. So, what do you do when you are drowning in fear after fear? You struggle to find the ability to believe that you can overcome. First, I recall that fear is not of God. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. If the…
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How I Wrestle Confused, Anxious, and Irrational Thoughts
Every day I face challenges with distorted thinking as a woman with schizoaffective disorder. For about fifteen years I was helpless, a victim of delusions and paranoia with no way to think rationally. I was committed to psychiatric wards again and again because even though I was prescribed Zyprexa, I took almost none. Why not? Because well-meaning Christians insisted that I did not have a mental illness, that it was just spiritual oppression and I just needed deliverance. Gullibly I decided if I was not really mentally ill, I didn’t need my medication; I only needed to trust in God and He would deliver my mind. My mind always returned…
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Overcoming My Lack of Motivation
Fifteen years ago, I moved from my parent’s home into my own. I expected my life to be different, for now, I would be a responsible adult. The only problem was my mindset hadn’t changed. Before I moved, my life consisted of leisure activities, writing, eating, and sleeping. I hid in the safety of my bedroom, reluctant to venture forth, and I rarely attended church. I had no job, no aim, no ambition; I was just trying to get through another day amidst the confusion and depression. No progress was made of any kind on overcoming my lack of motivation. During the first few months of my new living environment, I…
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Conquering Anxiety Over Feeling Incompetent
Failed work attempts…trying and failing again and again; how am I going to go about conquering anxiety over feeling incompetent? What did I do when I failed to do well in my work assignments? I quit, gave up, and decided it wasn’t meant to be. The pain of failing has left me in a state of depression. I figured, why try? Growing up, my verbally abusive mother belittled me and criticized me for every fault. She reinforced the message that I was an incompetent failure. I stayed stuck for twenty-two years after high school, unable to make progress, working dead-end menial jobs and enduring abuse from impatient managers who also…
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Struggling Through the Stress of Social Anxiety
It never fails. Every time I am invited to a social gathering, the stress of social anxiety works overtime. I worry about what I’m going to say when people actually talk to me. Can I just duck in the kitchen and hide, pretending I am really hungry? I try to sneak into church without being noticed, but inadvertently some people see me and call me over to catch up with each other. After church ends, I am one of the first ones who rush out the door and make a beeline for the exit, hoping to avoid the afternoon social small talk that is so common with the church members.…
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How I Trust God When Anxiety Attacks
You know the feeling…your heart speeds up, your pulse quickens, and you start breathing faster and faster. You start to panic. What if ______happens? You know you should trust God when anxiety attacks, but a spirit has whispered threats into your mind. As the panic gets worse, you imagine all kinds of terrifying scenarios. I have heard these kinds of threats all my life. When I was about eight years old, my dad became lost, and terror gripped my heart. Next, the fight-or-flight response took over. I did not have faith in my dad to get us safely back home. Later, when we did arrive home (this was before GPS…